Top 5 Things I Refuse to do in the Morning Before my first Cup of Coffee | March 2017

  1. Get the Children

Even Your Coffee is Surprised Your Up Early

My kids love waking up early. My daughter (3 years old) loves to bang on her door and yell “Dadda, come get me! Dadda, where are you? Dadda, you have a big butt that I'm going to pinch”. As cute as my children are, I absolutely cannot deal with their level of enthusiasm for life at 5:45 in the morning. My feet hit the floor, I walk to her bedroom door and yell in, “Give me 5 minutes to wake up, and then I’ll come get you.” The next five minutes are spent firing up the Keurig and warming up a bottle of milk for my son, and  

  1. Take The Dog Out

Puppy

That furry idiot will absolutely, absolutely have to wait before I take him outside into the frozen, barren, wasteland that is Paxton. Once coffee is coursing through my veins, then, and only then will the dog be taken out.

  1. Chores

Aint Nobody Got Time For That

I am not taking the trash out, emptying the dishwasher, shoveling grool into my 10-month old’s mouth (yes feeding my child is a chore), getting the mail, or shoveling snow until I’ve had a cup of coffee.

  1. Personal Hygiene

Jim Carrey on Cleaning Himself

I’m not washing, shaving, cleaning, plucking, pruning, scrubbing, sanitizing, popping, trimming, flossing, brushing anything until I have had coffee.

  1. Going to Work

Late to Work

I work from home. I’m disciplined about logging on and being available every day right at 8 o clock. The one exception is if the household has run out of coffee. There have been many-a morning I have found myself in line at Dunkin Donuts at 8:15. Client issues, sales calls, bosses, and emails can all wait until I’m properly caffeinated.